DEAD...
feeling DEAD...feeling extremely dead....feeling fucking pissed off....something that happens to me frequently enuf happened to me again....fucking shit!!!last nite i was about to buy my new cellphone,N95....den i've already get everything done,the cash bill and the cellphone...den they insisted to ask my mother's permission....so i rang my mother..so,the show started....she started to nag like hell,bullshitting my pants off...ripped my nerves....frigging hell...n my brother was there to the 'cheerleader'....as if he was trying to make it a battle of me n my mum...he said so much bullshit jus like my mother...he said,'Faster!!they wanna close shop already!' i was like,'fuck you!!do u tink i wanna waste my credit listening to my mother talking crap n bullshit tat i don even give a damn thing!!???tat's just somehow i respect her n hoping for a word,'up to u lar'...fucking hell!!since like i stepped into secondary school,life starts to change from worse to worst....u all never noe...y did i say so?people think i'm like the happiest guy,having whatever he wants...NO NO NO NO NO!!!just cut the fucking crap!people oso think tat i'm a very rich kid...hahhhhh chiuu(sneeze)!!!SORRY!I'm allergic to BULLSHIT!!!those were just wat u all see....maybe i'm happy at times...but mostly with friends...with my sisters...but hardly enough,once in a blue moon..i get happy with my family...maybe 5%...10%?dono....my house is no longer feeling like a home....u noe wat's home n house???house is more to concrete...just a place to stay...home,a place u find love,caring...abstract...once got home,i usually start to get scolded by my dad....it's a great pain u noe...since like primary school...after primary 3...i hardly ever get anymore compliments from my dad...NO NO NO NO....COMPLIMENTS???WAT IS TAT?i've already forgotten wat does it mean...but i've to understand my dad,the breadwinner is hot-tempered guy,just like me,and two siblings of mine...my 2nd brother is much more hot-tempered than my eldest brother...tat i'd tok abt it later...COMPLIMENTS have nothing to do with me,never exist... except from outside world...at home(or house??),i could only hear negative comments,critisization...after those,stil....there r words out of anger,disappointment....there's an english song tat suits me right now...Perfect...the lyrics goes like tis...>>>
Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
yeah..this is right..tis is the perfect song tat suits me like there's never a song in tis world before....i like tis song...as though tis song is specially for me...all these while,i hardly use any money of theirs to buy any stuff tat is less-academic....like phone,clothes,shoes....except the piano...but guys,piano is stil quite like good stuff rite?but,still i stil had invest some money into it...it was a great bargain...electric keyboard,identical to tat of my school's....normal price RM2000-3000...but i got it just for a thousand ringgit...my parents paid for 700..i paid 300...wat de hell!???a so-called/as if rich kid like me stil have to buy stuff using my money...n all my phones i had,i used all my money to buy them...i've endured this kind of teenage life....so i never hoped much from my parents...i always find my way to get the things i want...but they're never stuff like cocaine,cigarettes,tobacco,fireworks,heroine or any sorts of stuff tat harms human life...cell phone?harmful??harms human life??oopss...yes they do!!they generates radioactive waves,n they might explode if the batteries arent disposed in the proper way....ahhh....cut the crap...bullshit...if it's tat dangerous people have already browsed the preventive measures n resolutions to tis matter....so in a fucking nutshell...cellphones are NOT bad things...and yet,it's stil so so so tough for me to get a new cellphone....well,tis is enough for yesterday..great Christmas Eve huh??
back to gaming....which human being/homo sapien on Earth does not have a hobby???Hobbies...okay...different kinds of hobbies...some people have their job as their hobbies..some maniac enjoys watching people suffer,some people loves to fight,some human is crazy of drugging....etc etc....but some teenage like me just love to play pc games....just tat simple..but i stil have to say...there're some kids who loves to study too...but tat is certainly NOT me...but i never say i hate STUDIES.....i stil quite like studying...which my parents never figured out...maybe only some day they saw my blog...they could understand me...THOROUGHLY....really thouroughly enuf....but when would tat day be?only til the last breathe of mine??i'd better let it be never happened before...i would prefer them to tink tat they reli understand me...better than only understand me true enuf til my last breathe...gaming....ya gaming...y issit so bad in their eyes???it's just a hobby....people can even be the best gamers in the world...they can stil earn a lot of money...leads a good life....just like a typical person....but there r stil loving wat they have..a good life...perfect...but world best gamer is not my ambition....of cuz...i could never play games in front of them....never...unless it was my brother's birthday...tat was like the only time she said nothing....cuz it's the birthday..so she dowan to say anything...how would it be 'life without hobbies'???an easier elaboration...life without a job(cuz i said ppl enjoy working),life without fight/war,life without drugs,life without studies...??everything would be different....
these few days i've been looking after shop..both my brother's n dad's shop..i'd prefer days in my dad's shop...boulevard...there,i would be like the boss....i could do stuff i like..serving the customers,when there's nobody,i can listen to music or play the pc...but in my brother's shop,i'm like the slave..but not as bad as the slave in olden days...there's two phone shop..one belongs to my bro+his fren...another one is his friend's....so i could be at both place...last evening,i was there to help my fren=abang angkat...to sort out the new phone...den out of nowhere..my frigging hell brother...starts to pissed off..asking where i'm...so i said i was there to help them out...he was not happy so he asked me to be in his shop...guess wat he want me to do???serving customer(good den),wipe the shelves(great)...but nope....i was just there to stand...makan angin...in chinese..西北风...fucked!!!!n one other thing...i had to,always stand his temper...for example,his pc went wrong,restarted...i've to be his 'anger management tool'...get scolded even i didnt touch his fucking pc...or like he cant find his repair tools...i have to get scolded,again...even if i've no hecking idea abt how to REPAIR a phone...his mp3 songs in pc GONE...i stil have to get scolded...y?just because he asked me to help him to serve the customer who wants to download songs....yeap...tat's my fucking fault huh?yeap...cuz i was too stupid to help him out to serve the customers...tat's rite...so,all in all...i've to 'tengok air muka boss'...i understand...outside in the community..it's de same thing...but we've the freedom to choose a job...but i noe its hard now...but he IS MY BROTHER!!MY TRUE BROTHER!!!y couldnt he understand tat i'm using up my holidays to help him???i could be at home playing pc or even studying...well well well....maybe this is enuf for now...i've to get ready before i go to my bro's shop again..oh ya..tat time i stil remember...he woke up at 1pm...he woke up and scolded me...he said,'y de hell didnt u wake me up???' i was like...y did i have to???if i made u awake,i stand the risk to get SCOLDED too...isn't it??
oh ya...i stil would anyway,get a new phone soon...i don care anymore..leave some comments ya if u just pass by my blog...no new comments for ages... T_T BOOOOOO!!!
